......

So the last couple of days, all I have thought about was YOU. It kills me that you are no longer here, but it kills me MORE that we were cousins and yet we lost touch of each other for so many years. I remember the times we shared, the laughs, the tears, and the love we had for each other. Although you moved and was far from me, we still talked, wither it was Hi, how are you, i love you, whatever we still made an effort to say something to each other. It kills me to know that I wrote something and it was not published, why I have no idea. Did I say something I wasn't supposed to, did my words not mean anything, who knows. I will know forever, what we had while we had it. No we weren't "close" cousins, but you were and will forever be MY COUSIN. I love you Steph, and miss you. And it sucks so bad that something this shitty had to happen for me to finally meet my other cousin, your brother Andy. It's shitty that something like this had to happen for me to finally get my butt up to Idaho. I was so looking forward to our time together next month, and you were so excited to come down and see everyone. I miss you, and if anyone thinks for one minute because we weren't close that I don't, they are so wrong. I wasn't that close to Uncle Kevin, I was 10 when he passed away, but did you know EVERY year til I was in 10th grade I would go and sit at his grave and just cry, and cry, I missed him so much, and I hardly knew him. My mom and dad have a picture of him and I together when I was younger and it still hurts. I hope you are happy finally being with your dad. I will miss you.